You know that feeling when your heart says “I still love them” but your mind says “it’s time to move on”?
Yeah… that’s one of the hardest things to go through.
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re caught in that space — missing someone, loving them deeply, but knowing that staying stuck there isn’t helping you.
This isn’t going to be one of those overly perfect “just love yourself and you’ll be fine” guides. Life doesn’t work like that.
I’m here to talk to you like a friend who’s been there, felt the heaviness, and knows it’s not a switch you can flip overnight.
Let’s break it down step by step — not in a way that promises you’ll magically forget them, but in a way that helps you breathe a little easier every day.
Accept That It Will Hurt
First things first — heartbreak is messy. There’s no shortcut.
Trying to “be strong” by pretending you’re okay usually backfires. Instead, tell yourself:
“Yes, this hurts. And it’s okay that it does.”
When you accept the pain instead of fighting it, you give yourself permission to heal.
| What NOT to do | What you CAN do instead |
|---|---|
| Pretend you don’t care | Admit your feelings to yourself |
| Keep re-reading old chats | Write down what you’re feeling in a journal |
| Stalk their social media | Take a social detox for a while |
Create a Safe Distance
If you’re still talking to them every day or keeping them updated about your life, you’re feeding the attachment.
You don’t have to block them in anger (unless that’s necessary for your peace), but you do need some space to reset your emotions.
Think of it like quitting sugar.
If you’re trying to stop, you can’t keep a box of cookies on the table and say, “I’ll just have one.”
Stop Romanticizing the Past
When we love someone, our mind tends to highlight only the good parts and blur out the bad ones. That’s why you keep thinking “But we were perfect together.”
Reality check: No one is perfect. The relationship ended for a reason — maybe incompatibility, timing, values, or something else.
One helpful trick: Make a two-column list.
| What I Loved About Them | What Didn’t Work |
|---|---|
| They made me laugh | They avoided serious conversations |
| We had great chemistry | We had very different goals |
| They supported me at times | They didn’t make consistent efforts |
Keep this list handy for moments when your mind starts playing “highlight reels” of the relationship.
Channel Your Energy Elsewhere
Your brain is used to thinking about them constantly — now it needs new habits.
This doesn’t mean you have to be “busy” all the time, but having activities that give you small wins helps fill the emotional vacuum.
Ideas to start with:
- Join a fitness class or start home workouts.
- Take up a hobby you’ve always postponed.
- Learn something new (a language, cooking, music).
- Spend time with people who genuinely care.
It’s not about distraction — it’s about rebuilding you.
Talk It Out
Bottling up emotions makes them heavier.
Talk to a friend, a sibling, or even a therapist. Sometimes just saying, “I miss them and it’s hard,” can make you feel less alone in the process.
“The act of speaking your pain makes it smaller.”
Redefine Your Future Without Them
Here’s the tricky part — when you love someone, you naturally imagine your future with them in it. When they’re gone, your future feels… empty.
You need to slowly rewrite that vision.
- What do you want your life to look like in 1, 3, 5 years?
- What dreams or goals excite you?
- How can you grow into someone you’d be proud of?
Shifting focus from “us” to “me” doesn’t mean you stop loving — it means you start living.
Allow Yourself Small Moments of Joy
Healing doesn’t mean you’ll wake up one day and feel 100% okay.
But you will notice little moments — laughing at a silly meme, enjoying coffee alone, feeling lighter during a walk.
Those small moments are signs your heart is making space for new happiness.
Accept That Love Doesn’t Always Disappear
Here’s the truth — you might never stop caring for them. But that’s okay.
Love doesn’t have to vanish for you to move forward.
It’s about reaching a point where your love is no longer a weight, but a gentle memory.
“You don’t erase someone from your heart — you just learn to live without them.”
Don’t Rush the Process
Everyone heals at their own pace. Some people take months, others years. Comparing your journey to someone else’s will only make it harder. Healing isn’t a straight line — there will be good days and bad days. That’s normal.
Getting over someone you still love isn’t about forgetting them. It’s about remembering yourself.
You’re still here. You still have a life worth living. And one day, you’ll wake up and realize — you’ve carried yourself through the storm.
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